Dark Lyrics


1. Revenge Of The Vengeance (Skit)

In a world where danger's everywhere.
Where the only currency is fear
Only one band can save us
(you're a band!)
But now...
(No! Alex! Avenge me!)
They took their drummer
(No one kills my drummer but me!)
They took their revenge
(They're getting away with our revenge!)
But they forgot about...
Their vengeance!
Coming in about eight seconds
Psychostick is...
Revenge of the Vengeance.

2. Obey The Beard

Mustache? No.
Sideburns? No.
Goatee? Maybe.
Beard? BEARD!

Do you feel alone?
Do you feel neglected?
Not doin' too well with the ladies?
Well I got the solution for you!

Low self esteem? GROW A BEARD!
Afraid to follow your dreams? GROW A BEARD!
Are you lonely and sad? GROW A BEARD!
Wanna look good in plad? GROW A BEARD!

Are you workin' out? GROW A BEARD!
Did your car break down? GROW A BEARD!
Ice caps melting? GROW A BEARD!
Are you stuck in the middle of nowhere and you need to make an important phone call
but the battery's dead and you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger?

Grow the beard!
Feed the beard!
Brush the beard!
Manscape the beard!
Stroke the beard!
Love the beard!
Fear the beard!
Obey the beard!
Obey the beard!

(Obey the beard!)
Behold the beard! (Obey the beard!)
Accept the beard! (Obey the beard!)
Respect the beard! (Obey the beard!)

"Oh my god, Becky, look at his beard! It's just so... beard!"

Impress your date, WITH YOUR BEARD!
Eat a steak, WITH A BEARD!
Chop down trees, WITH A BEARD!
Crush your enemies, WITH A BEARD!

Catch a fish, WITH A BEARD!
Roundhouse kick, WITH A BEARD!
Troll the net, WITH A BEARD!
Chia pet? Ch-ch-ch-chia, BEARD!

Drive a truck, WITH A BEARD!
Try your luck, WITH A BEARD!
Arm wrestle, WITH A BEARD!
Teenage Mutant Ninja BEARD!

Pet your doggie, WITH A BEARD!
I pledge allegiance to the beard!
Can't grow a beard? Then buy a beard!
Do you have a beard? Then GROW MORE BEARD!

"You need to shave this thing!"

Defend the beard!
Drink to the beard!
'Cause beards are good...

(Obey the beard!)
Behold the beard! (Obey the beard!)
Accept the beard! (Obey the beard!)
Respect the beard! (Obey the beard!)

I was so empty and lost inside
'til I grew you ('til I grew you)
I put my faith in my facial hair
to get me through

Well I can defy the odds again and again
with you on my chin (you on my chin)
With every moment you grow closer and closer
to my heart

"Sigh... I love you beard."
"If you love it so much, why don't you just marry it?"

"Do you take this beard to be your lawfully wedded beard, for bearder or for worse, in scruffiness and in beard, 'til shave do you part?"
"I beard!"

(Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard! Beard!)

Abe Lincoln had a beard
ZZ Top, epic beards!
Dimebag Darrell, metal beard!
Chuck Norris, kick ass beard!

Number one, make it beard!
Chewbacca, is a beard!
Santa Claus, Jesus Christ

Obey the beard!
Obey the beard!
Obey the beard!

3. President Rhino

All hail President Rhino
All hail rhinoceros Commander-in-chief
All hail President Rhino
All hail, all hail

Republicans think they got a solid economic platform
Rhinoceros has two horns
Democrats want to raise the tax on the rich
A rhino's skin is grey and thick
Rhino will bore through your entrails
Swat flies with his thick tail
Debate social issues
When it's time to vote you know what to do

Vote Rhino!

All hail President Rhino
All hail rhinoceros Commander-in-chief
All hail President Rhino
All hail, all hail

"President Rhino, how do you plan to turn around this country's economy?"
(Rhino sounds)
"President Rhino, what's your stance on abortion?"
[Rhino sounds]
"President Rhino, is it true that you have a charging ground speed of 30 miles per hour?"
[Rhino charging sounds, screams]

The people loved him for his brutal honesty
Till he mauled a crowd of people at an orphan charity
When Rhino's term was finally ending
His support had started waning
Grazing on the White House lawn
The press revealed that he was lazy
Foreign policies in question
Poachers gone, yet still in recession
Rhino just wants to stampede
I think it's time that he secedes
How could we all believe that such a
Prehistoric beast who barely sees could have
Capacity to lead the country to prosperity?

Re-elect President Rhino!
Re-elect rhinoceros Commander-in-chief
Re-elect President Rhino!
Re-elect the Rhino

All hail President Rhino!
All hail rhinoceros Commander-in-chief
All hail President Rhino
All hail, all hail

4. H-Flat (Skit)

Our tuning is soo boring!
Down tune to make it heavy!
Like this?
Like this?
Go lower!
Lower! Lower! Lower!
Like this?
Lower! Lower! Lower!
Beyond reason
But I'm already tuned to G!
Lower it to H!
No! H-Flat!
There's no such thing as H-Flat!

5. So. Heavy.

This song is so heavy
It makes you want to headbutt a mountain
This song is so heavy
It makes razor-blades taste like candy
This song is so heavy
It makes you want to punch a tornado
This song is so heavy
This chorus is nothing but growling

Ooooh aaah uuuuh!

You scream high, I scream low
Doesn't this sound fucking amazing?
Those vocals were so heavy
It makes your grandma have a baby
Can you understand what I'm saying?
Cookie cookie, want a cookie!
This song is so heavy
It's actually kind of exhausting

Ooooh aaah uuuuh!

I'm playing this rhythm with my right arm
While I'm flexing my bicep on the other arm
And then I give it a kiss because I love my guns
And I don't think you've had enough
Let's break it down!

A little bit softer now, a little less brutal now
A little bit softer now, a little bit lower gain
A little bit softer now, a little less brutal now
A little bit softer now, a little less in your face
A little bit louder now, a little more brutal now
A little bit louder now, a little bit higher gain
A little bit louder now, a little more brutal now
A little more louder now, a little more in your face

Double bass (in your face!)
Double bass (in your face!)
Jog in place (jog in place!)
Jog in place (jog in place!)
Teabag the stage
Teabag the stage
This song was so heavy
My eyes and eardums are now bleeding
It reached the point of nauseating
This song was so heavy
Somebody get me a barf bucket, please!
This song was so heavy
Dude, somebody get him a bucket before...
The End.

6. Dogs Like Socks

I'm a dog and I like socks.
I like socks.
I'm a dog.
I'm a dog and I like socks.
I like socks.
I'm a dog.

Gimme that sock.
Om nom nom.
Gimme that sock.
Om nom nom.

We are dogs and we like socks.
We like socks.
We are dogs.
We are dogs and we like socks.
We like socks.
We are dogs.

Dogs dogs dogs.
Socks socks socks.
Dogs socks dogs.
Socks dogs socks.

I'm a dog and I enjoy playing with socks for some reason.

We are dogs.
We like socks.
I'm a dog.
I love socks.

Pick up the sock.
Then throw the sock.
I'll catch the sock.
And bring back the sock.

Pick up the sock.
(I'm a dog.)
Then throw the sock.
(I am a dog.)
I'll catch the sock.
(I'm a dog)
And bring back the sock.
(I'm a doggy.)

Pick up the sock.
(I'm a dog.)
Then throw the sock.
(I am a dog.)
I'll catch the sock.
(I'm a dog)
And bring back the sock.

I'm a doggy. (I'm a dog.) [x8]

I'm a doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy dog.
That likes socks.

7. Super Legit Official Teaser #2 Explode (Skit)

Coming later this album...
Get ready to shit excitement
A titty-slapping good time
One butt-puckering helluva ride
You're not fucking ready for...
Digital Time Portal!
Give your beanbag a flick
You're gonna wanna be elbow-deep
In your grandma's candy dish
(What?! Eww, hell, that's fucking gross!
Ewww, I quit, fuck this shit! Ahhh!)

8. Quack Kills

I'm being watched by a duck
And with a little bit of luck
I can move away and never fear again
I saw his beak, he made a smirk
Then he dunked his head to lurk
And turned my blood to ice within my veins

I would migrate north if you could guarantee
That there are no ducks in the Arctic sea
Their waddling gives me anxiety
Whenever they're following me


I'm afraid of a duck
('Cuz they have creepy feet)
I'm afraid of a duck
(And their razor sharp beak)
I'm afraid of a duck
(They have black beady eyes)
I'm afraid of a duck
(And they're staring at me!!)

You dirty cloaca go back to your flock
Of paddling revolting floating freeloading

Quack quack quack quack quack...

Here they come, I think I'm marked
Every time I'm at the park
A miscreation comes to steal my bread
Drop your things and run for the car
Cause if you don't make it that far
They'll feast upon your fallen corpse instead

There is nothing more fowl than a drake on a lake
Staring me down until I finally break
A flap of their wings gives me a panic attack
And I don't have the strength to fight back

Quack quack

I'm afraid of a duck
(They would kill you for your bread)
I'm afraid of a duck
(Then eat your liver instead)
I'm afraid of a duck
(I'm not over-reacting)
I'm afraid of a duck
(Stop laughing at me!)

You think that it's funny?
Just wait until they're coming!
Don't you know birds of a feather murder together?

He's watching me!
(They're after me)

SHH! I'm afraid of that duck
I'm afraid of that other duck
I'm afraid of the flock
And all my friends think I should see a QUACK!
But I'm not cool with that
Claiming ducks are all innocent, they're not!

Little pieces of shit, they bit me when I was a kid. Ruined my fucking life.
I could have been President, but look at me now. I'm in this stupid band.

I'm not crazy you see
Look, they hunt in a flying V
And it's pointed at me
My worst nightmare descends upon..
Oh God!

[Lots of quacking]
Get em off me! Get em off me! Goddamn fuck! [screaming]

"What do you think Doc, am I crazy?"
"It sounds like you have a classic case of Anatidaephobia, which is a fear of being watched by ducks. I recommend that you go to the store, buy many loaves of bread and and feed the ducks. Feed ALL the ducks. FEED THE DUCKS!."
"That's your advice?"
"Who gave you your degree?"
"I attended the University of QUACK! Where I got my Masters in QUACK! I moved on to QUACK! "
"No no no no no no no no not again! There is no God!"

9. Blue Screen

I can't believe it went down this way
I had so much left to save
I thought that we would last forever
But now I'm taking it day by day

Oh, what I'd give to have you again
But there's no way I can get in
You shut me out of my whole world now
My heart is in the recycle bin

And I don't know why
Backups weren't on my mind
'Till the day my computer died
My hard drive fried and I cried
I was too careless, now it's repairless
I know that's not a word
But I don't give a f__less
And now that you won't load
Not even in safe mode
I gotta check E-MAIL ON MY PHONE!

I feel as blue as my screen
Your error message is true
You formatted my heart
And partitioned it in two

I'm trying so hard to be strong
To be a man who can take a fall
I guess I had to learn the hard way
The price of making you hold it all

Now fate has forced me to interact
With human beings who talk and laugh
I'm in a hell of social functions
Fresh air and sun have turned my heart black

And I know I tried, for the data you had inside
Disk Utilities couldn't find
Why my access was denied

Now it's all over, I'll never recover
The memories you stored
Must have been a bad sector
And now you're so empty
You boot up to nothing
And now I gotta look up stuff in books

I feel as blue as my screen
Your error message is true
You formatted my heart
And partitioned it in two

"Ah, come on. Really? REALLY? "

I saw you wouldn't get started
I tried running GParted
Through the night just to find you couldn't be revived
I had to lose all my shit to learn to
Never forget that you can never depend on just a single drive

The saves to my games and all my porn
I miss you, I miss you. (PORN!)
I'll heal with time, but for now, I miss you, miss you [repeats]

I feel as blue as my screen
Your error message is true
You formatted my heart
And partitioned it in two

I hit Control+Alt+Delete
I guess there's no other way
Now I'm formatting C colon
But you come up blank, come up blank...

10. NSFW

Fuck [repeats for a seriously, incredibly long time]

"Ladies and gentleman, Bill Manspeaker of Green Jellÿ:"

Fuck [repeats, in the melody of "Three Little Pigs".]

Fuck [repeats for a seriously, incredibly long time]


11. Danger Zone

[originally by Kenny Loggins]

(Take the tires and light the fires. Go!)

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone

Headin' into twilight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the deck
And shovin' into overdrive

Highway to the Danger Zone
I'll take you
Right into the Danger Zone

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go

Out along the edge
Is always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Highway to the Danger Zone
I'm gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone
Highway to the Danger Zone
Right into the Danger Zone

"I'm gonna take my shirt off and play volleyball in the Danger Zone.
Then I'm gonna go buy some shoes, DANGEROUSLY,
And then I'm gonna go home and sit in my Danger Zone chair
And look at the Danger Zone internet."

Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer in the locker room in underwear.
Take my breath away!
I asphyxiate cuz you took away my breath
I need it to live
Give me back my breath!

12. New To The Neighborhood (Skit)

And now Bill Manspeaker of Green Jellÿ gets a visit from his new neighbors.

"I can't wait to meet our new neighbors"
"I'm sure they're delightful."
[doorbell rings]
"Hi, we're your new neighbors."
"I gotta joke for you, alright?"
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Fucking get out of my fucking house you fuck!"
"Hey, we just came over here to introduce ourselves."
"Probably because you're a fucking moron!"
"We don't need to take this abuse!"
"I got another one for you,
Why'd the chicken cross the road?"
"Listen sir!"
"Get the fuck outta here!"
"You can't talk to her like that."
"He's taking his clothes off!"
"Ahhh, look out, here comes Snakey!"
"Oh my god, let's get outta here. "
"That guy's crazy"
"I'll fuck a dog but I won't fuck my cousin!"
"I think we should move."
"You piece of fucking shit."

13. Loathe Thy Neighbor

Picture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds
You wave her a friendly hello while she glares with judging eyes
Her glasses held by chains on pointy 1960s frames
They help her see your faults as she's squinting with disdain

A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance
Still alive, too stubborn to die
And death don't have the patience
She has more cats than children by an order of magnitude
And whenever she loses at bingo she takes it out on you

"Oh, hello. Good afternoon Ms. Bendersnatch, I really like your dress. Wonderful weather we're having today, isn't it?"

Calls the cops on her rotary phone
Every time you try to mow the lawn

Close your blinds, lock your doors (evil wench)
I mind my business, now you mind yours (nosy bitch)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (cranky hag)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass (yeah)

Get off my ass, go back inside
Stay in your home, leave me alone

Imagine a jerk in his 40s in front of the broke down house that he rents
Not all that bright, chugging Natural Light
Flicking cigarette butts over your fence
Screaming all day at his beat up truck
That he always fails to repair
More stains on his shirt than teeth in his mouth
And he doesn't seem to care

A former high school quarterback
With delusions of long past glory
Blasts 80s crap from his Pontiac
As he tells you his whole life story
He parks and blocks my driveway
Then dumps his cup of tobacco spit
Setting fireworks off after midnight?
I'm about to lose my SHHHH-...temper

"Hey man, can I borrow your weed-whacker? I got piss-drunk last night, woke up this morning and for some reason mine's on the dang roof"

Mows his lawn at 2 AM (I shit you not)
He likes me but I hate him
Deadbeat Dad, he doesn't pay child support
He looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Hehehe)

Close your blinds, lock your doors (fucking hick)
I mind my business now you mind yours (stupid douche)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (eat a dick)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass

Get off my ass, go back inside
Stay in your home, leave me alone

[Knocks] "Hello, who's unsightly trailer is this? It must be removed."
"Well, it's OUR trailer in OUR driveway."
"It diminishes property value of this prestigious community and will not be tolerated."
"Dude..uh sir, this lady's cat shits in our flower-bed, this guy flicks cigarette on our lawn and YOU'RE worried about a trailer. Next you're gonna complain about our bird house."
"Ahhh, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. Your inferior birdhouse isn't properly sunk. You have brought forth the full discontent of the Home Owners Association Socialist Party. The birdhouse will have to be....eliminated."

We all hate the HOA
All the homes , they look the same
The mortgage states the house belongs to me
You need to chill the fuck out
And get off of my property

"Quit changing the channel on my television set, I know it was you. I saw you through my blinds."
[indecipherable talking and screaming]
"Shut up!"

Some are so friendly but some of them are enemies
Makes me neurotic
And keeps me on guard
Battling those neighbors with
Tolerant diplomacy tempts me to empty my bleach on their yard
I pour bleach on your yard
I spelled "BITCH" on your lawn
That's right, FUCK your grass
Loathe thy neighbor

"I can't nap with that mowing racket day and night."


Monster trucks are fucking awesome
Running shit over, that's fuckin' awesome!
Mowing the lawn, that isn't awesome!
Monster trucks that mow the lawn,
Now THAT'D be awesome

All that shit that's fuckin' awesome,
Give it to me, give it to me
All that shit that isn't awesome, you can keep it!

Blow-jobs are fucking awesome!
Bubble wrap is sort of awesome!
Staplers, I guess they're awesome...
(Yeah, they can be awesome, right?)
Clipping shit together, that's productive!

All that shit that's fuckin' awesome,
Give it to me, give it to me
All that shit that's sort of awesome, I'm indifferent

Trampolines, direct deposit, fighter jets, and nachos
Acid rain and moldy cheese
And waiting in line at the DMV
Frozen pizza, Styrofoam, and clothes hangers
And soap, I could take it or leave it
Awesome things are awesome
And the things that aren't, are not
And that's the way of the land

That's just the way the world is, man
Burning alive is NOT awesome
But waking up to a puppy
That's CUTE and awesome!
Finding a dollar, that's pretty awesome!
Supplemental income YEAH
Now we're talking! WINDFALL!

I can't wait to spend my dollar...
What should I get? What should I get?
99 cent store, menu cheeseburger
All that stuff, that's fucking awesome
I'm totally serious
I'm not asking but I'm demanding
How'd you like it if I strapped you down
And pulled your fingernails out?
All you gotta do to end the pain
Is give me awesome stuff so
GIVE IT TO ME (please!) GIVE IT TO ME (I don't have any stuff)
Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie


15. Choking Hazard

"Hey, look at Kevin Stupid over here. He's choking cuz he's stupid!"

First Aid...For Choking

Step 1. Ask, are you choking?
(this is the universal choking sign)
Step 2. Have someone call EMS ambulance, telephone 911.
If victim can speak, breath, or cough...
Stand by but do not interfere, wait for professional help
Step 3. Victim cannot speak,
Victim cannot breath,
Victim cannot cough...
Perform Heimlich Maneuver until food or object is forced out.

"Did you call the ambulance?"
"Yeah, they're on their way."
"Aw, they better hurry up, he's turning blue."
"Ehh, I'd say more of a purple."
"Ehh, it's kind of, kind of a bluish purple"

If victim becomes unconscious
Clear mouth
Then perform abdominal thrusts, 5 to 10 times!

Repeat steps until food or object is forced out
Then do mouth-to-mouth or CPR as necessary
Repeat steps until food or object is forced out
Then do mouth-to-mouth or CPR as necessary

"Aw, thanks. It was the cheese on the pizza."

Step 1. (again) Ask are you still choking?
"Well obviously he's still choking"
Step 2. Still waiting on the ambulance
"Where are they? Traffic jam? Possibly,
Wait a sec, flashing lights, here they come, finally!"
"Alright, who here called the ambulance?"
"Oh my god, you're here! He's turning blue!"
"Ehh, I thought we agreed on bluish purple?"
"I'd say it's more of an indigo"
"Indigo is not even a color!"

This song is legit information
It could save somebody's life someday
If you find yourself in this situation
Remember what we had to say then
Perform abdominal thrusts, again

"We lost him, call it."
[coughs] "Naw, I'm good."

16. Fight To The Death

"Man, I am stuffed! Does anyone want this last piece of pizza?"
"I do" "I'll have it" "I called it" (all at once)
I'm sure there's an adult way we can handle this"
"I'll fucking kill you!

Fight to the death for the last slice of pizza
You gotta want it more than him
Fight to the death for the last pizza slice
It's time to make your stand
You gotta punch him in the face
Then he punches you in the face back
Then you punch him in the face once again
And it makes him madder and he punches
You in the face back
And you punch him in the face, yet again
Then you punch each other continuously!

Look at this guy!
He thinks he knows karate!
But he DOESN'T...know karate
You gotta put him in his place with your fist
Or maybe a kick in the dick YEAH!
And maybe stomp his ribs and liver...OH FUCK!
That totally backfired!
Now he's comin' for you
Whatcha gonna do and somethin' other funny thing

It's gone down to the ground like UFC
But it's really pretty damn boring
They're just lying there holding each other
It's technical but not exciting to watch

Punch! Knee strike! Jab!
Kidney punch! Eye gouge!
Wet willy! Elbow drop! Potato chips

And they're up and moving again
Now it's exciting again
What is he gonna do next?
He's gonna play a GUITAR SOLO!

Holy shit! He's got a pointy stick!
He's gonna try to stab you with...
The pointy stick! Don't take that shit!
You gotta form a defense
The only option now left is to hit him with a TRUCK

"Those guys are idiots! Hey Rawb, grab me a beer."
"Mmmm...yeah...This is the last one."

Fight to the death for the last can of beer!
"Hey, we only have one more roll of toilet paper"
For the last toilet paper!
"Who left a dish in the sink!"
Fight to the death...Cause a dish in the sink!
"I'm not getting the mail! It's your turn to get the fucking mail!"
Fight to the death...To see who gets the mail
"Hey you don't get to fight Alex. I'm the only one around here that gets to fight Alex"
Fight to the death...To see who gets to fight ALEX to the DEATH!
Fight to the death!
Fight to the death over various stuff!

17. Bruce Campbell

Bruce Campbell is the finest man to grace a silver screen
All the other actors just degrade his noble scenes
The Oscars should award him for his wondrous career
Hold a town parade for him with each movie premiere

Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!
We're gonna be best friends!
Gonna come to your house and watch Hercules
From season one till the end
I'll hand you everything I own
And you'll sign it all for me!
Then we'll start rehearsing for Cave Alien 3

Bruce Lorne Campbell should be offered every lead!
Imagine him as Spider-Man, a finer choice indeed
Casablanca could've been improved if Campbell would've said,
"Here's looking at you...you primitive screwhead!"

Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!
Dert dert da dert dert dert
Gonna come to your house
And put Xena and not sleep until it's done
I got the whole boxset for Briscoe County, too
I love you and to prove it's true
I'm gonna play a kazoo

Bruce Ash Campbell is a truly stellar man
He bravely fought the Deadites
But a chainsaw took his hand
Coincidentally, I have one I barely ever use
I'll saw it off and ship it to the charming, handsome Bruce

Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!
I need the measurements for your chin!
Gonna make me a jawbone implant
And I'm gonna be your twin
Then I'll get me a tattoo of your face
And put it right on my....face
Then we'll fly into outer space and....
Hey Bruce, where are you going?

Bruce Campbell (gonna find you!)
You can't hide from me!
I found your house on Google Maps
And just watched you go pee!
When I find you, I'm gonna clone you
Take your DNA against your will
I'll make 8,000 Bruce Campbells
To build a Bruce Campbellville

18. Trick Or Treat (Skit)

And now Bill Manspeaker of Green Jellÿ gets a visit from some little trick 'r' treaters

"What the fuck are you kids doing on my fucking lawn?!"
"Trick or Treat"
"Fuck you!"
"But Mister Manspeaker, it's Halloween."
"You fucking fucks, can't you read the fucking sign?! It says no fucking fucks allowed !"
"Please, just look into your heart and..."
"Fuck you!"

[chainsaw revving up] [children crying & screaming]

19. Dimensional Time Portal (Skit, Kinda)

"What's up bitches!"
"We are Psychostick!"
"Ughh, what's with the feedback?"
"I dunno what's wrong, I can't stop it."

"Everyone's leaving"
"Stop at the merch table on your way out"
"What is that out there?"
"It looks like a...DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL!"

"Action 5 Extreme Super News, we interrupt your regular programming to bring you this extremely super breaking news update."
"We're live at Festival Fest where it appears a DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL has emerged during a set by heavy metal band Pi-ska-stick (Am I pronouncing that right?)
The mob of concert goers are fleeing in terror as the band still attempts to preform. We go live to the scene"

I'm a dog and I have..."Ugh, come on guys where are you going?"

"We have received word that the U.S. military is developing a contingency plan to deal with the DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL as we speak."

"General. (HooHa!) At ease. At 1500 hours we experienced a tear in space time reality and DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL caused by the feedback of a band called Cyclonestrike."
"Actually sir, it's Psychostick."
"I don't care. I say we nuke the damn thing."
"Umm sir, shouldn't we found out more about the..."

"Everyone's still leaving."
"Forget it guys, I guess a supernatural phenomenon is enough to make people leave a concert."
"Who are you?"
"I am Rawb from an alternate dimension in the future."
"I'm here to tell you that the DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL is blending our universes. Our world has been enslaved by HAUNTED PANTIES and if they cross over, women will never......put out....again."
"Dude, the guy looks just like Rawb."
"I know, right?"

"Reports are in that the DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL is causing a strange behavior in the majority of the female population. Their undergarments are glowing and they appear to be no longer interested in sexual activity."

"Hey Jennifer, you wanna go for a drink Friday night?"
"Sorry Jake, I have a lot of abstinence to do."
"I had no idea that my panties were glow-in-the-dark. Hey Jenny are you going out with Tom tonight?"
"Uhh, no. Guys are the worst."
"You're right and coitus is for losers."

"You see, only you can reverse it."
"If the military nukes this DIMENSIONAL TIME PORTAL it will open completely and there is no stopping it."
"What do we do?"
"Embrace the power of music and distortion. Play the one thing that will bring an end to this dimension of terror and rudeness. All you have to do is....AH AH AH!"
"Well, there he goes"
"Sooooo what do we do?"
"We do what that guy who looked like Rawb says we do."
"We close this rift with METAL."

20. The Power Of Metal Compels You

Slap and pop to make them panties drop
Guitar slides to slip 'em down the thighs
Drum fills gonna make you squeal!
Brutal screams gonna make you....scream!
We release the power of brutal breakdowns

The power of metal compels you
To return to your place of origin
Or the nearest parallel dimension now
"Look, it's working!"
Go back to the hell from whence you came

"They did it!" "I wanna have sex again."
"Yeahhhh, we did it."
"Good work fellas."
"Hey, you know what? This calls for VICTORY BREAKDOWN"

"Pyschostork has done it, they've closed the rift with the power of their music. Way to go guys."
"We did it! We saved the world. This is gonna be great for our careers."
[Sirens wail]
"What is that?
[bombs dropping]

21. Outtakes IV: The Outtakening

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