Dark Lyrics


1. I'll Be Damned

Maybe… Maybe you saw your mother, maybe she’s smiling,
She hears your catching laughter, she’s missed your charm,
We never made it to Cooperstown
But I’ve still got that glove under my bed,
Maybe I’ll see you, we could shoot the shit, finally have a beer,
“Have a catch,”but for now its catch my tears, its catch my breath,
I can just hear you say “come on bud, get out of that funk, it’s time to move on,”
It’s funny how you still apply, you still know me,
I’ll try to take your tools and make something worth while,
Try to make ya proud, I’ve learned nothing is spotless anymore,
But I’ll let you resonate…

Maybe your Heaven is that Norman Rockwell scene
Where you and your friends are singing that Gordon Lightfoot song,
“If you could only read my mind,” well if you could only read my mind,
Well that ending, it was just too hard to take,
Is it better than Clapton? Did you see your fathers eyes?
I know it’s wishful thinking hoping this won’t always kill me,
But If you saw yours, then I’ll see mine,
You finally stretched your feet and ghosted away from me,
You had to fade away, you had to leave
I’m pleading for one more time with what I know now,
I’m begging for the same flake to fall twice for the first time,
I’m begging for what wasn’t said.
That night the snow shaped the land, and I walked home,
I laughed the whole way because I suppose if it hurts,
It's worth it, but now that ghost is me.

2. Good Times

You're laying here with a beds eye view of a body that no longer belongs to you,
you're scared that the past 3 haven't lived past their 60's and if you break the trend,
you'll just end up like the old folks at Roland and 3939,
you're scared because you're an army brat of a man who died before his time.
I miss those summers, that grill smell, home cooked meals, take me back,
sleeping like a log, healing so fast,
but losing you, I learned to lose my youth, lose my spirit, and now I can't hear it anymore,
and I guess that's life
back then our body parts stayed in place,
we kept up with our own hearts,
it was so easy to temper the sting,
just be fixed by a quick dip back in some old neighbor's swimming pool
now I'm just worn out, and I'll ache like this forever I think,
these shoddy drapes refuse to keep the cold out
and this damn body can't keep the warmth in,
I'm watching my hairline recede, I'm drinking fatigue, I'm fighting heredity
I see less of who I love the most, time's getting away,
and we're so slow to say how fast it goes,
I'm just looking for what's coming, what's built in the blood
but I've never been that sure of anything anyway
and I don't want to heal, I'm just about the perfect amount to look how I feel
and I think about you laying there, waiting for her to get back,
I think about your last 3 breaths and I wonder if you knew,
I think about letting you go
and I guess that's life.

3. Shared Bodies

So striking, I swear you leveled me with a look,
reminded me of my breathing patterns,
ran your hands through the grease and set fire to my face,
seduced a love to grief and left the same as you came,
we were based on an end,
It's as if everyone always arrives already gone,
some say love is a river and the wetness behind my ears puts out the wick,
some say love is time, I helped you pass,
love is location, we were just circumstance,
could almost smell the must, the urgency
I knew better, I just didn't care,
but I think that I felt more inside you than I would have liked,
you carved me rigid, and I hate you for it
you were everything I wanted at night,
you were a dream, but come light,
I lost what I saw in you,
through those somber windows,
we were addicted to the moon light lines in my old room,
and I couldn't tell us apart.

4. Such Confidence

Just sit down, and let it be, if only today, if only for me,
that day, what exactly were you selling, preach?
It's misery, these screaming dreams, you see, we all gotta get so broken eventually
and most shouldn't strut around with such confidence
because most of the time, your feet are the same whether he's there or not,
and most of the time, my feet were the same whether you were here or not,
and I take it hard, I take it to heart, and it tears me apart
and I get so tired in that 3 o'clock sun,
it grows right on time, right in front of me,
I've seen some days, and in some ways, I'm always in and out of living in the now
but it sheds years when you still smell the cedar,
Explain to me,
I wish I could find a god's teeth to grit them for him
I'd cut off his ears, put them to my heart, he'd hear me break,
I'd make it obvious to see,
show him a face like water frozen over,
a face that's absorbed everything,
show him it was the wrong day,
show him that I've seen my reach,
explain to me,
just sit down, let it be, if only today, if only for me
I've tried to forget what was said after the fact,
I'm talking to my own soul,
I bottle these potent thoughts,
I'm not obtuse anymore,
I'm not talking to anyone,
I'm not a door anymore
explain to me,
honestly, I don't know if I'd believe if you walked right on time, right in front of me.

5. Liquid Courage

On the day you died,
I cut my hair for the funeral,
and on memorial day, I started drinking
because it got kind of hard just sitting there thinking
about mom all alone in that house,
and I'm too far away to do our lunch dates,
she misses the regimen
she misses the annoyances,
the free time is bittersweet.

6. Spine

…On Tuesday I got the call, that damn phone call I’d been bracing for all week.
No, don’t say it. I watched her crawl in bed with you,
I watched her wet your lips and couldn’t do a God damned thing,
I watched you shake, I watched our hearts break,
I couldn’t wrap my fingers around your spine and shake it loose from the bone,
I couldn’t fight against the loss, I never set fire to your bed,
I never burnt the bed sores, I never ate the flame, or drank the sweat,
but if it burns me up I won’t char half as much as I’ll keep warm.
Life goes on because it has to, these things, they never leave,
they stay with you, the smell of the viewing, your friends singing your praises,
the flower boot that never bloomed until we lost you,
the first Christmas we suffered through, room 211, kissing your head,
the last look into your eyes, not having the words to say thank you, say goodbye.

7. Sunsetting

Air is all you need
pull your last smoke through me,
come on, inhale,
pull it hard and leave,
Well here I am again,
we all break in our own way
but I don't remember such a bone cold chill on such a spring day,
a man's man, the wind through those New York trees,
cursed with oaks for feet, and a heart that wouldn't beat in a torso so small,
I should have called more, come up more,
spent more time just sitting with you
because now all I've got is old footage to help me bide
and it seems that pictures of an old life have helped me to pass mine by
I miss every word, every lesson learned,
clear your throat and cough, loosen it up,
well I've been sunsetting so damn long
and the length of those lies only stretches so far
in hell like this, on nights like these
I just miss your humor, I just need someone to blame tonight,
you know I could never hang in as hard as I could hang on,
and here I am again.

8. I'll Get By

I used to listen to my life,
I was so put together,
I chose what I wanted to be in that age of chasing sand,
the age of believing in everything,
but I couldn't save you,
I couldn't save what was taken away,
and I'm still singing, and you still can't stay.
You "loved life," and those words have lasted,
I just wish I would have had ears for more than what you said
because I still feel the lack long after.
Such a light body, such a quiet gait leaving behind the weight of the world,
I'll always think it was too early to lose your shine,
I guess the means that ends us means nothing,
I just hope it's the peace we all need,
Because I could love and drown in your God damned smile lines,
but I think I burnt up watching you rallying to stay alive,
and I guess that's fine.
It seems we all get sick,
we all die in some no name hospital with the same colored walls,
and I guess that's fine,
but I want to swallow, I want to stomach, I want to live.
It's been a rough while and some days are worse than others,
there's no proper way to feel, no mirth, no levity, no amazing grace,
just a flame on a lake floating away,
I can't let you lay,
I want you to know, I'm learning patience against my will,
I want you to know, I'll get by, always barely scraping
with just a hunger, with just a heart apart,
it's a hell of a thing.

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