FOOTPRINTS IN THE CUSTARD LYRICS

1. When Santa Spaffed In My Stocking

‘Twas the night before Christmas and spirits were high
I was all tucked up in bed I knew Santa was nigh
The stockings were hung the mince pies were out
And I drifted to sleep with good feelings throughout
But when Santa descended the chimney his breathing was heavy
I thought it was due to his weight but he was just getting ready
He crept into my room with his sack in his hand
And decked my halls with his testicular glands

When Santa spaffed in my stocking I will admit that I cried
It was horrid and crusty because it had dried
When Santa spaffed in my stocking there went my Christmas day
My presents are festive in the worst possible way
Now Santa’s sack is empty he has given all his presents to me
There are tears in my eyes spunk in my Christmas tree
But next year I know I will pull my own stunt
I will lace his brandy with roofies and rape the fat cunt

Cumming all ye faithful over all that’s in sight
Spilling his eggnog and pulling his cracker all night
Putting his pig in blankets was not enough for St. Nick
He had to stuff my turkey and baste with his prick
He went through my selection box and ate all the best ones
And then he spread his jolly jam over my hot-crossed buns
It wasn't a silent night but it was a holy night
He was away in my manger setting his pudding alight

Santa’s been dreaming of a white Christmas too
It’s horrid, translucent, all covered in goo
Following that reindeer booty all over the earth
Gave him a stiffy so huge with a pulsating girth
Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day
But tell me why did it have to be this way?
When Santa’s Yule log became unfurled
All’s he wanted was to feed the world

2. Me And My Chipboard

Deep in my heart, deep in my soul
There’s something missing, I'm not whole
There is something I don’t have
Nothing for you to grasp
All my nights I can’t sleep
Knowing I am incomplete
I have nothing left to lose
Nothing for your hands to use

I know I can never be
Anymore than you now see
So please don’t tell me lies
When you look into my eyes

Place your hands upon my chest
Say you’ll always love me best
But when your hands find nothing there
Tell me truly you don’t care

Out of my heart, out of my soul
My life is rushing to a close
All around me people see
Everything I fail to be
Can you not see that I am lost?
For my crimes I've paid the cost
I wish I could be complete
Become part of the elite







FOOTPRINTS IN THE CUSTARD LYRICS